Garreson Lumber’s Poet Laureate

From Garreson Lumber Company's "Tally Sheet":

I recently heard a National Public Radio spot about a school that elected one of its students as their official Poet Laureate. I was nearly moved to tears by her poetry readings and the interview. Then I realized: If schools can have poet laureates, why not lumber companies? Lumber people are frequently misunderstood by intellectuals, mostly because we communicate among ourselves by grunts and motor-like noises. But deep down in a woodworker’s heart, there is a

fragile little poet struggling to emerge.

At Garreson Lumber’s last board meeting we elected our own Walter Woodward to the position of Poet Laureate Emeritus. Poet Woodward graciously accepted our invitation for an interview about his exciting new position:

Tally: Well, Walter, this is quite an honor for you, isn’t it?

Walter: Not really, it’s more a lateral move. My salary stays the same and now they want me to write a jingle for some radio ads on my own time.

Tally: We didn’t even know you wrote poetry!

Walter: Oh, yes. I studied poetry in high school and received a C+.

Tally: Were you influenced by other poets?

Walter: I think you can hear the profound influence of e.e. cummings, Chinese poet Wong Waye, Robert Frost, and Helen Steiner Rice. The Beat poets influenced me, too. You can almost hear a Latin or Caribbean rhythm in my works, at least subliminally.

Tally: What poem really launched your career?

Walter: I think my third grade teacher, Mrs. Mulcher, first recognized my natural ability when she intercepted a note I’d passed to Ethyl May Petard. She must have liked it—she made me read it to the class and then asked me to show it to the principal. It goes like this:

Roses are red

Violets—blue

Slugs are squishy

When you step on them—Eueww!

Tally: How did you know to use em hyphens(—)? Did they even have them back then?

Walter: Oh no, I went back and edited the old poems to make them more relevant to modern readers. I only learned about em hyphens a few years ago. All the really good writers use them now—you’ll see lots of them in my new book—Reading the Tree Leaves.

Tally: Can you give us an example of your more recent work?

Walter: Sure. Here’s one I wrote to celebrate my new position as Garreson Lumber’s Poet Laureate. You will be able to read it yourself on page 32 of my book. It’s titled— Tattered Flags. It’s accompanied by an artsy black and white photo of a dead tree.

(Walter clears his throat)

Leaves brittle green and dry

Pennants in remembrance

Wave feebly

From discarded tops

Left by greasy loggers to moulder

On the Forest floor

As forest temples topple,

Dragged to the landing

Sliced, diced, and Julienne fried

Metamorphed to grace the temple of Man

In his Holy of Holies—altered altar— a living room coffee table.

While in the still silence of the forest still rattle—

Leaves brittle green and dry.

Tally: It makes your eyes water, doesn’t it?

Walter: Yeah (wiping his nose).

Tally: I really didn’t like that poem very much though. It doesn’t have any rhymes in it.

Walter: That’s an example of modern free verse. There isn’t supposed to be any meter or rhymes. I had to work to take them out. I figure that poem took me a total of 120 hours to perfect. I didn’t expect someone like you to understand it. You really need at least a Masters degree in English to “get” it.

Tally: It doesn’t make lumber guys look very good either. You describe them as “greasy”…

Walter: (sigh) That’s what’s called “poetic license”. Grease actually refers to hydraulic fluid. If you'd ever operated a fifty year old skidder, you’d understand. I’d like to invite you and any of your readers to one of our Saturday afternoon poetry readings/workshops at the Garreson Lumber warehouse. We discuss stuff like this, plus Irony, Foreshadowing, Allusions, Existentialism and the meaninglessness of Life.

Tally: Maybe sometime. Any advice for our readers who might like to try writing their own poetry?

Walter: Absolutely. You can make money writing poetry. First, write what comes naturally to you. If your poems are sad, submit them to greeting card companies who print sympathy cards. If your poems are happy, send them to companies who sell birthday, anniversary, baby, and graduation cards. As you can see by the numbers, there’s a much bigger market for happy poems than sad poems. Since most people naturally write sad poems, you may have to develop a new market. Try creating a Poet Laureate Program where you work.