Mysterious Image Appears

Bath, NY—Pilgrims and woodworkers converged on Garreson Lumber Company in Bath, NY, recently to view an image on the warehouse bearing an uncanny resemblance to Yankee woodworker, Norm Abram. Earlier in the summer, Peter Sieling noticed a stain in the rear side of the warehouse, apparently the result of rain driven by wind against the exterior wall and mixing with a layer of fine sawdust.

Once reported to the media, people came from all over the United States, jamming the parking lot. They left flowers, helium balloons, and slips of paper stuck underneath the battens on the wall. “People were crying, clutching Kleenex, walking up and hugging the image, kissing it, kneeling, telling it their problems, making their kids do the same,” stated Walter Woodward, office manager of the popular lumber company.

Experts agree that the image resembles the outline of Norm complete with plaid shirt and leather tool belt. According to Dr. Billy Blessing, internationally renowned image expert, “Norm seems to be encouraging folks to shop at Garreson Lumber Company, although why he appears on the back of the building rather than the front is a curious contradiction.”

Norm Abram’s publicist refuses to comment, other than to deny any responsibility for the image’s appearance. Peter Sieling, proprietor of Garreson Lumber Co., cautions, “Please remind folks not to leave lit candles behind the warehouse as it poses a fire hazard.”

Image update:

Yesterday I asked my son Evan to wash the truck. He got to fooling with the hose and decided to see what would happen if he “accidentally” hit Norm. When the wall dried, the silhouette looked exactly like a 3 month pregnant Britney Spears. I power-washed the wall. Now it looks like the mind of Walter Woodward: a blank slate.